It’s been awhile since I last posted. And I have since finished another five weeks of daily radiation and then really just tried my best to assimilate. Join the rest of the regularly programmed viewing special, Summertime. Oh how I love summertime. Sweet summertime always does me right. Sucking in that Vitamin D, splashing in the lake with the kiddos. Oh, that feeling of utter weightlessness when summersaulting through the water. If we could only be weightless like that more often. That feeling of just floating, only hearing the boat motors under the surface and seeing the bright sun above you. The world kinda falls away for a moment. All you need to do is pop the surface and you realize you are smack in the middle of utter chaos. Floaties, footballs, Marco Polo, paddle boards. You can’t help but smile. Ah, sweet summertime. Some of my best memories fall between June and September. And so many surround that sweet little lake, my mom called it “Our Golden Pond”.
I thought sweet summertime was taking a little hiatus this week as “Scanxiety” has taken over. It’s really kind of strange, I am six years into metastatic breast cancer and this whole scan thing I can’t shake. I almost feel it is the true purgatory that I was once told about. For days on end I literally can’t decide if I am living or dying? This week I go back and forth. Deep down, I feel good but it’s the idea, the possibility that your whole life could change in a few days. Everything. I haven’t been immune to those changes either. And when they come they slap you right upside the head because there you sit starry eyed thinking, all is good and boom! Wait what is this, more tests, scanxiety continues. It’s a vicious cycle. A lonely one. You see where your mind can take you!
So today, bright and early I marched myself in for what is probably one of my least favorite tests (so far) a brain MRI. I took my prescribed MRI meds (my chill pills) and was ready. The MRI was quick and comfortable. They’ve come a long way since the Hannibal Lector mask I once wore. In and out. Now I wait, next up – a PETSCAN. Ahh, the joys of the PET. I think the scan itself is a breeze. It’s the limited complex carb/ sugar diet that leads up to it for DAYS. Normally not a big deal but throw in some scanxiety and three kiddos with healthy appetites and well, fill in the blanks.
But, if I am being really honest it’s the 90 minute wait in a dark quiet room that precedes the PET that will get you. Oh yes, 90 minutes with your thoughts, 90 minutes. No movement, no music, no reading, no light, no nothing. However, today was my lucky day. It turns out sweet summertime was NOT taking a hiatus for these scans and instead had a hand in the perfect storm…in that tiny little room.
I rolled in there, laid on the bed, got my radioactive shot of sugar, a warm blanket came and the lights went out. I woke up 86 minutes later face down, drooling, dazed from a sound asleep! I still can’t decide whether or not my own snoring or a beeping in the hallway was the cause for my very spastic wake up! Holy crap. I woke up totally discombobulated! Didn’t know what the hell was going on. Thank goodness for my early “momming” years where these types of wake ups were pretty commonplace. Ha. I am also thinking my chill pill helped? And the fact that I hadn’t slept a wink last night? Either way, it had to be a REALLY good show for the techs! What a mess. Face down, drooling on a gurnee – nice moves Kate, you are really rocking that! Ha.
Once they peeled me out of that room I was off to the rotating table of fun through the PET. I had a hilarious smirk on my face through the whole thing. I couldn’t help but giggle at points. My Gosh, how were these techs keeping a straight face? I mean I was out like a light. I gotta say today will go down as my greatest PET yet. Easy peasy. Ha.
Sweet Summertime, she never disappoints. You can go under and muffle the joy around you, but you always come up to the chaos with a smile on your face and in this case, their faces as well! Ha.
I’ll keep you updated on the results – for now – I am quite certain I am still living!