Back in 2010 when I was originally diagnosed I remember a conversation I had with my dad. We were laughing hysterically as I was describing one of my many bizarre medical tests. We were on the telephone and tears were streaming down my face – probably because if I wasn’t laughing hysterically I would have been crying maniacally. It was definitely a cross-breed for sure! When all of a sudden my great big, manly-man, stoic dad said to me, “You are always finding those silver linings my Katie Mae and I am so proud of you, keep doing that!”
The conversation stuck with me because it was at that point that I realized how much we ALL needed some silver linings. Cancer sucks the life out of you but finding those silver linings is kind of like giving cancer the finger every now and then. And my dad LOVED sticking it to the man! Ha. (Unless he was said man and with five kids that was sometmes the case!) And they don’t call me “Bobina” for nothing.
With those silver linings in mind – I bounced, okay bounced is way too much, I hauled, yes hauled (silver linings or not I am not Mary Poppins?) myself back into the cancer center to crank out the new chemo regimen 5 of 12 this week. Fatigue, bone aches, pains, stomach issues and some crying eyes but it can always be worse! Five down, seven more to go!
As far as the silver linings – I took my kiddos to the cancer center last week after hours to get a tour. They are 9,10 and 11 and had a lot of questions. I was curious as to the questions. First, they were so excited to meet all the nurses that take good care of me. All the nurses I know by name since it’s been five years together. My middle kid said, “Wow, you are really popular there mom! They all know you and they know about us.” It was pretty funny. And my oldest couldn’t wait to try out the recliner and inquire about what is in those “bags that they hang”? My youngest was mostly enamored with the cookie she got when she walked in. The funny part was listening to them talk amongst themselves on the way home. You see – these three kids have seen WAY TOO MUCH cancer in their short little lives. This is the second time for my own but they watched my Mom, my Dad and their very young uncle die of this horrible disease. So, in their minds this cancer center should have looked like some sort of torture chamber. All these kids see is how sick everyone gets after coming home from here! I hadn’t ever really thought about that part of their perspective. They all seemed much happier knowing the cancer center had become “Mom’s Cheers” – yes, everyone knows my name and they have very comfortable chairs! As well as TV’s and fish tanks. By the time we drove the five blocks home they were convinced it was a pretty decent place. SILVER LINING!
So – that’s where we are at – silver linings! We had a great summer at the lake and here at home with friends and family who visited. And we managed to make my treatments work for us. The kids decided that although my bald head wasn’t ideal in summer my scarves were fun. And at least I could swim bald up at the lake.
And the last SILVER LINING – I love my kids but I CANNOT WAIT for school to start! Ha. I am usually the mom that is not looking forward to the structure, but with these treatments zapping my energy – back to school time is looking SO appealing. Until then we will continue to find those silver linings – so all of you out there back to school shopping like heathens – if you see a bald lady coming at those Ticonderoga pencils gimme a break huh?
And thanks again for all the meals, childcare and generally AWESOME well-wishes, encouragement, support and love!